Here’s My Heart

Hey Y’all!  So my intention was to pound out a “day in the life” post today, bringing you into my life and the daily realities that come with raising twins but then yesterday I read the post of one of my favorite blog reads and it plagued me almost all day bringing about this post.  In it, the blogger wrote about “mom blogs” and how some mom blogs put out an air of perfection – immaculate homes, immaculate kids, form, fit, and function all rolled into one little perfect world.  I’m not arrogant enough to think she was talking about me buutt, having a a diy blog with “picture perfect” photos of my home plastered across one of it’s pages and “outfit” posts which have me posing in my recent sewing concoction smiling without a care in the world, it made me a little self-conscious.  Typically, I’m not one to care what people think of me.  In saying that, I’m a people-pleaser and I’m very sensitive to the thoughts of others.  I guess what I’m saying is please, please, please don’t ever, ever think that because I seem to always be pounding out projects of some sort or another or always on the go, a super-mom, that that’s entirely what my life is made of.

I will admit though, my life is pretty darn perfect.  Not in “perfect” as the world defines it but perfect in that I’ve been blessed with a bountiful life, I’ve been given lots of talents my our Creator (we all have!), and I have good people surrounding me.  I have an incredible husband and two amazing adorable little girls with another little scooter on the way.  I love my house and I love filling it with pretty things and making it homey.  That said, it’s not always clean…scratch that, it’s never completely clean.  I have a really good cleaning schedule I’m pretty good at adhering to (AND I married a clean freak…borderline OCD is he) but the pictures you see on “Our Current Nest” are not typical and NOT how our house looks daily.  Proof:
 

I’ve dealt with my share of struggles in this life.  We had a miscarriage shortly after marriage followed by four years of infertility (a story I’ll share soon!)  I lost both of my parents at age 21 – one to suicide and one to a crumbling relationship.  I won’t go on because I know that we all have trials and it’s no fun to read about them.  However, I know that out of pain comes beauty, love, and joy when you unite your pain to the cross.  My joys have overshadowed the dark spots in my life one hundred fold and I know that I’m not the only one who can say that.  :)

On a little bit lighter note, two of the most commonly asked questions/comments I get told are “How do you do all you do with twins?” and “Are they adopted?/How did YOU carry and birth two?!/You’re waaay too skinny to birth twins!”, considering that two babes coming out of a stick like me aren’t very likely.  Let me clarify for my own sanity…

1)  The girls take two naps per day and they sleep at the exact same times everyday, a routine I established when they were three months old.  That gives me about 3+ hours everyday to do what I want as a stay-at-home mom.  I usually spend their first nap picking up around the house and their second I spend doing something I enjoy – painting, sewing, etc…  Some days, especially since I’ve been pregnant, I spend one of their naps sleeping.  I’m not always doing, doing, doing.  However, I am the daughter of a hard-working farmer and I’d be remiss to tell you that I didn’t inherit that hard-working spirit.  I watch zero hours of TV per week (unless I get sucked in to the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” Monday nights) only because I’d rather be doing something else and probably also because we get 11 measly channels.  If we had HGTV, I’m positive it’d be a different story.  The girls are old enough now where they play with each other and keep each other entertained, meaning that during the morning between their early rise and nap, I now have more time to get stuff done.  I could play with them all day but I love the bonding they get by playing alone with each other…and I love having more time to do my own stuff.  Had we one child, I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case but such is the blessing with two at once.  I know as you browse the pages and projects on this here blog that it might seem that I can conquer the world and paint twenty pieces of furniture in a day but I’ve been writing here for three years and so doing all I’ve done in that large amount of time really isn’t that impressive.  :)
 
[Here’s what she thinks of the rug I slaved over.]

2)  I’m pretty thin and I hate talking about it lest you think I’m a narcissistic jerk but I’m going to anyway.  I absolutely HATE when post-partum moms exclaim that they “fit into their pre-pregnancy jeans two weeks after baby!!!!!” because I know that so many moms struggle with even fitting into the jeans they have saved for post-partum.  Sorry if you’ve done that (chances are you didn’t mean to offend) and I know it’s such an area of pride, and rightly so, but being sensitive to others you’ll never hear from me how long it took me to do so.  I am lucky that I slimmed down so quickly after birthing the two babes but guess what?  I breastfed both exclusively and the calorie-burning equivalent of that is like running a mile everyday (don’t quote me but it’s something like that.)  I know I didn’t look like I gained much weight during my pregnancy but believe it or not, I gained almost 50 pounds!  For a tiny-boned girl like me, that’s a lot!  Growing up I was so very thin.  Not because I didn’t eat because I did…like two horses.  Ask my mom.  I drank wrestlers’ weight gainer powder (disgusting fyi) everyday just to look “normal” like everyone else.  I wasn’t teased in my school because of it, thank God, but I can remember walking out onto the gym floor of another school as a cheerleader in middle school and hearing the jeers of some of the girl fans of the opposing team calling me “anorexic”…in my naiveté I had no clue what that meant until I researched it at home that night only to break down in tears.  Later, in high school, I had a saleswoman in Cache relate and tell me she used to be teased for being so skinny but “don’t worry honey, you’ll appreciate it one day” and it meant the world to me.

  I’d love to steal some of those hips off of any of you or snatch up some of those “curves” but I am what I am and that’s that.  Praise God.  I’m alive, I can walk, see, make…

Anyway, I’m sorry if you click  over here for diy happiness and if I’m boring a hole into your head right now but my chest has been heavy the past day with this junk and it just feels so good to throw it out there.  It’s me.  I’m not perfect.  My life isn’t “perfect”.  But I love it.  I love making things and I love writing and inspiring others.  I never want to show-off, only to show that with a handful of change, you can make your home and your wardrobe pretty too! 

Anyway, we’re halfway into naptime and if you’ll excuse me, my bedroom is a wreck, my kitchen floor is in desperate need of a sweep not to mention the piled up dishes and full dishwasher and the shirt I donned last night that C threw up all over – gag me - so I’ll be going now.  I hope you all have a wonderful, blessed day whether it’s chasing four kids around a messy house, packing your life up to head back to another semester of college, maybe breaking out a paint brush, or just trying to get through another work week.  God bless!

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You are beautiful my beloved, there is no flaw in you – Song of Solomon 4:7